


Denial| Billy Russo

by Clairecrive



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, Mention of Death, kinda fluffy but not really, reader is grieving, the relationship is platonic, this was totally self indungent I'm sorry if it's too heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29159841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clairecrive/pseuds/Clairecrive
Summary: reader’s way of grieving the loss of her grandfather is not that healthy and Billy is worried about them so he goes check on them.
Relationships: Billy Russo & Reader, Billy Russo/Reader, platonic reader - Relationship
Kudos: 5





	Denial| Billy Russo

**Author's Note:**

> So... I really don’t what this is. I’ve never written for Billy and never even watched the show tbh. What I know about him is from ff. I guess this is my way of writing with Ben Barnes in mind without having to really write for him if that makes sense.
> 
> Anyway, this is totally self-indulgent and a way for me to come to terms with my feelings by writing them down.   
> Of course, I don’t have a Billy who’ll help me but that’s beside the point. 
> 
> I did not proofread this for obvious reasons so sorry for any mistakes.

“Billy? What are you doing here?” He was the last person you expected to see when you heard a knock on the door. Otherwise, you would have certainly not answered the door in your current state. 

Despite being friends, once wouldn’t want to be seen with a neon green face mask and her hair dirty with hair die by a handsome man anyway. Not counting the wonderful outfit you were wearing. Let’s just say that it was chosen because it was comfortable and were not supposed to be seen by anyone other than yourself.

But oh well. You and Billy had been friends for a while and you had even thrown up on him at some point. Granted it was because you were drunk and he had insisted on buying your drinks so that kinda was his fault but either way, it was embarrassing. 

Strangely, you found that you didn’t care about it at all. So what? This was supposed to be your “me time”. If anything, he should be the embarrassed one to have crashed at someone’s place uninvited. But of course, knowing Billy, you knew that he couldn’t be bothered.

“Were you expecting someone else?” He smirked eyeing your outfit before letting himself in. _Well then._

“Nope.” While it was a rhetorical question and he knew the answer already you gave it to him anyway while closing the door behind you.

“I came to check on you. Didn’t expect to find you like that though.” He teased you again looking explicitly at your naked legs. Rolling your eyes, you pulled the hem of the oversize t-shirt you were wearing before making your way to the kitchen where a timer had just gone off.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone today, you ass. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have opened the door at all.” You sneered at him over your shoulders before retrieving the brownies from the oven.

“Drowning your sorrows in food then?” He observed the freshly baked sweets while you busied yourself in the kitchen to avoid looking at him.

“These are for Karen’s party tomorrow.”

“I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I see. Your grieving process is denial, then.” You should have seen it coming, really. Billy wasn’t one to walk around the bush. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Cut the bullshit, y/n. Karen told me.” If there was something that you could meet Billy on was being stubborn. He knew you were so he wasn’t surprised but this was something serious, you couldn’t just ignore it. 

“If she did, you’d also know that I don’t want to talk about it.” _But that was exactly what you wanted to do._

“Keeping it all bottled up won’t help either you know.”

“I don’t know how I feel receiving emotional advice from you.”

“And trying to hurt me won’t make me go away either.”

“Whatever Billy,” you rolled your eyes and thank god for the timer that saved you, “ I gotta go wash this off. You can let yourself out, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You walked into your bathroom to take a shower so that you could remove both the face mask and the die from your hair. However, you find yourself sitting on the floor of your shower long after you did what you had to. There was something comforting about being under the hot spray of the water. If only it could wash your pain away too... 

Despite what you said to Billy, you had talked a bit with your family about it. But you found no comfort in words, nor relief. Closing in yourself was usually how you dealt with things. On your own. Most of the time ignoring it. And while this time it was something too big to ignore, it was also something too big to process. 

How could someone just not be there anymore?

One moment they were there, breathing and alive and the next, you’re receiving a call from the hospital from a man who’s telling you that they had tried but there was nothing to be done anymore. 

How could someone so loved and wanted, disappear from this earth in the span of a second?

Granted, your grandfather was old and quite sick but he had always gotten through it. He had always made it, surrounded by the love of his close ones to celebrate his success. 

Not this time.

This time there was nothing to celebrate. This time there wasn’t any hospital bed to visit. This time there was a funeral to attend. This time the tears weren’t for the joy of a successful surgery but for the horrendous sight of the body of someone so full of life that was now completely motionless.

Attending the funeral was the worst experience of your life to this day. You’d pick puking on Billy’s shoes and fainting in the middle of the street anytime over that. It wasn’t something you were doing on purpose. Everything felt so surreal that it must be fake. Right? 

Because you had seen your grandfather only a month ago and he was doing okay. Yes, he was still in pain for his last surgery but it was an invasive one and he was still recovering. You had talked to me just a couple of days ago and yes he was tired but he was old. His life experience sat heavily on his shoulders it was clear to see but that didn’t mean that he had to go. That was uncalled for,

Except that it wasn’t. 

it had been a long time coming but you couldn’t accept it. It wasn’t fair because he had still so many things to do, so many people that loved him.

It was completely irrational for you to deny with so much vigeur his passing. He had stopped suffering and that alone should have made you feel better. But it didn’t. And you didn’t want to talk about it with anyone because you knew that you are being selfish. Making all of this about you when it wasn’t.

You hadn’t heard the door closing, you were too far into your head to be aware of your surroundings. The hot water was not going cold, your fingers resembling sponges but you didn’t move. The water washed away your tears at least and muffled your sobs.

And that’s how Billy found you.

He had given you some time to do your business but it had been more than half an hour now and he knew that something was wrong. Approaching your bathroom he could hear your sobs. Shaking his head he sighed at your stubbornness of going through this on your own. 

Walking inside the steamy room, he took a big towel and came into the shower. After closing the water, he did his best to wrap the towel around you without looking at your body. 

“Billy?” Your voice quivered but the sight of your friends brought you back to reality. You tried to get out of his hold then but Billy was stronger and didn’t let you go. Instead, he rinsed your hair the best he could and hold you to his chest.

“It’s okay,” he shushed you, “I’m here. I’ve got you.” He started rocking you gently while stroking your arm. The initial want to fight him died in you at that moment and you couldn’t help but allow him to hold you while the tears you hadn’t allowed yourself to shed since the funeral, finally fell.

“You don’t have to do this on your own, y/n. You can lay on me for this.” He whispered gently in your ear and let you take it all out. 

It wasn’t easy for you to be this vulnerable with anyone. You had always relied on yourself only in this situation. But maybe Billy was right. Maybe this time you could let him help you. His arms felt definitely better around you than water did.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this was too heavy. I hope it did Billy justice and it was at least decently written.


End file.
